I mentioned in an earlier post that the beginning of spousal tension around church issues began with my participation in wear pants to church day. I wore my nicest pair of black dress pants. I bought them from Black House, White Market and I use them for formal performances on stage. They are dressier in fact than most skirts in my closet. I initially wasn't concerned about a reaction from my ward in part because my home ward is a wonderful, open, accepting place for all kinds of people. I've seen many a pair of jeans in the pews. I was simply wearing them to stand in solidarity with my sisters who had suffered as I had suffered. However, after the unexpected negative reaction of my husband I was worried about what would happen at church. Thankfully, it went just as I expected. Not only did no one say anything about it, I also think no one even noticed. I listened to the reports from other sisters who had a very different story to tell about their experiences. My heart ached for them, knowing my situation in my ward, away from family and childhood friends, was unique.
Last week it was very cold and snowy here. I was getting dressed for church and did not want to wear a skirt because of the weather. I decided to dress in warm leggings, dress boots, and a dressy long top. I saw what I thought was an uncomfortable glance from my husband. At the last minute, I decided to leave the leggings on and put a skirt over the top too. I felt half glad for making my husband (and maybe me too) more comfortable, and half ashamed that I was still afraid to just wear pants. When we got to Sunday School the woman teaching the class was wearing pants. I admired her.
Last week a good friend of mine, a man, said to me when I wasn't wearing make-up that he thought I should wear less make-up, that he thought I looked better without it. With a broad smile and without skipping a beat I said "Thanks, that's sweet of you but it doesn't really matter what you think about how much make-up I wear or what any man I may be going out with thinks about how much make-up I wear. What matters is what makes me feel most comfortable." I felt so good to say that and mean it!
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